We Exist: Lisa Reynolds

Tell us about you!

My name is Lisa Reynolds and I am a 27-year-old pansexual woman from Ireland who lives in Wicklow and am originally from Meath. I am a writer and my interests include reading, writing, listening to music, all things culture-related and equality.

When did you first know you were bi+?

For most of my life I thought I was straight as I had only been attracted to guys for a long time. I hadn't heard about what non-binary meant for a long time and then I was attracted to people who were non-binary. 

Lisa Reynolds

That wasn't a surprise as I hadn't known or known of anyone who was non-binary so it was possible that I could be attracted to non-binary people. It was more surprising when I was attracted to women. When I looked back around 22/23 there had been two other women I had been attracted to but when I was 25 I had very strong feelings for a woman and gradually I realised that I could be attracted to women and though it was a confusing time it was a lovely surprise. I realised I was pansexual in October 2015. I was 25 and at the time I thought I was too old to be figuring it out but in hindsight I know I wasn't. You never are too old to find out something so important to your identity. And stories are different. Some people might have ideas they are or might be when they are younger and some people might not. But there is no more valid way to be your sexuality whatever your sexuality is. ​

You never are too old to find out something so important to your identity.

Are you out as a bi+ person?

It's a slightly complicated answer. I'm out mostly. I told my sister in a very casual chat the day I realised. She had been with me all through my journey to figuring it out talking to me and stuff, making sure I was ok. So she was cool with me been pansexual and I was cool with her been straight and that was that. I write a lot about pansexuality in varying ways so I'm out to almost everyone. But my mum doesn't know. It would be easier to tell her if I was gay or bisexual but because pansexual isn't really known much about I think she'd think I was "part of a cult". My mum isn't very good with "new" or "unfamiliar" things. In consequence I'm not out to any extended family.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

As an introverted writer, I would say I escape quite a lot of positive or negative reactions. However in the media or on the internet you see some wonderful positive reactions and stories of people who are pansexual and that makes me feel very happy and warm inside. I feel less alone. On the other hand there is many negative reactions in the media and on the internet and it can be quite hurtful. There's so many misconceptions about pansexuality and sometimes it can seem like we aren't thought that we even exist. It can feel like there's many steps on the ladder to go.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

I wish they'd stop with this "having your cake and eat it" stuff. It's so daft. 

I just wish they would ask the same questions that they would ask anyone else of any sexuality. I wish it was just casual chats, not something that needs to be explained all the time. I wish they'd stop with this "having your cake and eat it" stuff. It's so daft. I wish they wouldn't think I must be more into a particular gender just because I'm talking about someone I'm attracted to of a particular gender. It doesn't work like that. I wish they'd stop putting me into invisible boxes that don't exist. Most of all I wish they could be happy for me without judgments and be ok with my sexuality but also interested in whether I'm a nice person and my interests and what I'm doing too. In other words I'm very happy and content been pansexual but I'd like to be thought of as pansexual as well as the other things in my life and not have my sexuality as defining me. ​

Find more from Lisa at:  culturevultureexpress.wordpress.com