We Exist: Cíara Doyle

Tell us about you!

It is so hard to determine how I identify - like most people there is so much that is integral to my being. I am bisexual, polyamorous and utterly confused by my gender although I was born female. I am proud to be Irish in particular a Northside Dub. I am a geek and nerd. I am depressed and generally a very anxious introvert. I see myself as a gender equalist who is very interested in ensuring thought and consideration is given to everyone. ​

Cíara Doyle

When did you first know you were bi+?

From a very young age (maybe 4) I was interested in both girls and boys. Soon I became confused though. I knew it was okay to like girls. I knew it was okay to like boys. But I was the freak that liked both. So I kept it to myself. As I reached my pre teen years I quickly realised that not everyone was okay with people being gay. Soon I became even more frightened of the idea of telling people that I liked girls but still I found myself attracted time and time again to people in my class (a good catholic all girl school). It was only in my discovery of emo music did I first come across the term bisexuality. And suddenly, just like wearing my glasses for the first time, I could see clearly, I knew what was going on and I finally felt comfortable in my sexual preferences.

And suddenly, just like wearing my glasses for the first time, I could see clearly, I knew what was going on and I finally felt comfortable in my sexual preferences.

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I would love to say I am fully out as bi but I don’t think it is that simple. Nearly everyday people see me with my cis male partner and my baby girl and assume I am heterosexual. All too often I make a comment of a female celebrity crush and I am met with confused looks, that’s when I find myself coming out once again. Although at least now I am confident in my sexuality and confident that I can take on any challenge in my stride. Though to be honest since I first came out at 15 I have generally speaking not been afraid to say who I was. Despite being locked in bathrooms, being spat upon and losing my first beautiful girlfriend to biphobia I always tended to stand up for my sexuality and fought for respect of those who meant to put me down. That was of course for everyone bar my family, it wasn’t until MarRef that I found the confidence to come out to my family while ranting about the need for people to vote yes.

 I always tended to stand up for my sexuality and fought for respect off those who meant to put me down.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

In fear of sounding cheesy I have never felt so accepted as when I became a coordinator of Bi+ Ireland. Amongst our amazing online community I have found my people. I have found those who understand the frustration of hearing the phrase “Oh she is gay again” and I have found wonderful people who are just so beautifully kind and considerate. On top of our outstanding group I realised something else on becoming a coordinator of Bi+ Ireland: a level of respect I didn’t know my sexuality had amongst my family. A cousin in particular is very fond of directing any bi+ friends in our direction proudly stating my small involvement in the group.

As the weeks of campaigning escalated and the ferocity of the debate heated up I found myself crying alone on more occasions than I wish to think about. 

In contrast the MarRef lead to a lot of moments that had me feeling anything but accepted. Like many people I advocated a Yes vote any opportunity I got. I was involved with several Yes Vote campaigns and community groups. As the weeks of campaigning escalated and the ferocity of the debate heated up I found myself crying alone on more occasions than I wish to think about. From personal attacks to more generalised social media frenzies the cruelty of the campaign hit me time and time again. However amongst all this the moment that stands out for me the most is while I was at a community yes vote planning session. In this tiny room of allies I was the only LGBT member in the group. But all too often I was reminded by these allies that I was not actually “LGBT”. One day in particular we were recording videos on why we wanted people to vote yes to post as part of our social media campaign. 

​In contrast the MarRef lead to a lot of moments that had me feeling anything but accepted. 

My video naturally spoke of love and how I felt that as a bisexual, society was invalidating part of my sexuality by saying yes I can marry a future boyfriend but no I couldn't marry a future girlfriend. Now this video was much more adequately worded at the time but however my video was the only one that didn’t make the social media cut as “It was rude to suggest that bisexuals have a say in this vote because honestly it is nothing to do with them if gay people get to marry or not. And honestly Cíara you have to stop this attention seeking, even if you are really bi this isn’t about you lot.” Needless to say I ended up posting a series of videos to my own social media, none of which got shared by the group as they were "diluting and confusing the issue". However JK Rowling did retweet one which made me so giddy that for a brief moment I didn't care about the negativity.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

Simple: 'How can I help?'
Whether that is an lgbt organisation asking how can they help integrate Bi+ into the space. Or someone asking how they can help fight biphobia or bi erasure. Like everyone in the world us bi+ peeps need help and I wish people would just ask how they can help!