When did you first know you were bi+?I knew I was bi before I knew what bi was. My first childhood crush was on a neighbourhood girl. It wasn't until secondary school that I heard someone identify as bisexual. I knew then what I was and that I didn't seem to be alone. Except bisexuality wasn't as advertised. The people that had brought me my awakening had also brought me my shame by telling me that bi didn't mean you actually liked boys and girls it meant you were gay but just not ready to say it. I knew that wasn't me so back to square one I went. Are you out as a bi+ person?For all intents and purposes I am out. Outwardly very proudly but with a lot of internal shame. Both my public and private coming out experiences where traumatic and not initiated by me and it has hindered how I express myself within my own family. I am trying to mention it a little more, let everybody know its not a phase. Positive responses so far. When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?
What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?How does it feel? How does it feel to be erased under the guise of priviledge? How does society impact you as a bisexual woman? What can we do to make it easier?
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Questioning my sexuality in my 20s was something I didn’t expect. It wasn’t without its ups and downs, what the fuck moments, lots of soul searching and dismantling the internalised biphobia I felt that lead me to say and do some things I wouldn’t say or do today. I eventually realised that for me sexuality is a spectrum and being bisexual now doesn’t mean I was lying to myself or others when I was gay. My sexuality evolved and I’m OK with that. Are you out as a bi+ person?I am. I was out as gay, so coming out as bi was both an easy and complicated task. Easy because it never occurred to me to remain in the closet, something I am eternally grateful for. Complicated because people were used to me being gay, were used to me only dating women and seeing me any other way, took some people time to get used to. Some people never accepted it, which was difficult to accept at the time. For many it wasn’t an issue at all. Funny story - my now husband and I almost didn’t get together because he thought I was gay. When we met there was an immediate connection between us, but he didn’t think it would ever turn romantic. It took a few months before I realised he had missed my coming out as bi, so I set him straight (pun most definitely intended!) and, well, we got married so you can guess what happened next. When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?
Least accepted - I’ve made no secret of the fact that I found the bi-erasure of the Yes Equality campaign difficult to deal with. So many bi+, trans and non-binary people were made to feel at best like allies in a campaign that directly impacted them and at worst like their experiences and feelings didn’t matter. I still feel anger, sadness and frustration about that.
The question I wish people asked - What can I do to help stop biphobia? This isn't something bi+ people can do alone. We need help. We need others to call it out when they see it. Don't assume that everyone in a queer space is a lesbian or gay and don't assume that everyone in a different gender relationship is straight. People's sexuality isn’t dependent on the gender and sexuality of the person they’re dating. Believe us when we talk about our experiences.
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This organisation is run 100% by volunteer coordinators. We welcome donations and promise 100% transparency with our spending. Learn more here.
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Bi+ Ireland is a network of people who fit somewhere under the bi+ umbrella, and who have close ties to Ireland. We are community group run by volunteers. You can reach us at biirelandnetwork@gmail.com.
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