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We Exist: Michelle Hoey

30/11/2017

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Tell us about you!

Art student, coffee addict, agus i ngrá leis an Gaeilge. I'm just a kid from rural Donegal with big dreams and a personality to match!

When did you first know you were bi+?

My first crush was on a girl when I was very young, and I very quickly erased it from my head. At that age I had seen it as 'wrong', and since I was a girl, I was only allowed to like boys, right? Moving to secondary school, I was extremely lucky to be surrounded by friends who were so open with their sexuality at a young age, and they really unknowingly helped me discover who I was. It wasn't until the marriage referendum that I had admitted to myself that I was bisexual.

Are you out as a bi+ person?

Picture of Michelle Hoey with a smile and a red drink in a cup
Michelle Hoey
I'm out to the people I know are accepting of my bisexuality! When I moved to Galway for college I found it so easy to be who I was without ridicule. Since everyone was a stranger, I didn't have to have the whole coming out speech prepared, bisexuality was just a part of who I was!

Back at home wasn't difficult, and most of my close friends were already out as gay or bisexual. While it took me a good year to build up the courage to tell my mother, I'm so lucky that she's so open minded and had no problems at all about my sexuality. We even make lighthearted jokes about it!

​I'm so privileged to live in a generation that is so open minded about the LGBTQ+ community, and very lucky to have had few problems regarding my bisexuality.
...bisexuality was just a part of who I was!

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

I wouldn't be out to a lot of the older people that I know at home. But with people my age being so open minded, I hope future generations won't have the same problem!
The most accepted I've felt was definitely marching in the 2016 Galway Pride Parade. Back at home there are no groups or resources for the LGBTQ+ community, so to walk with hundreds of people who were just like me while singing along to Britney Spears together was definitely such a great moment for me. It's been the only time I've been completely comfortable with my sexuality.

The feel the least accepted back at home in Donegal. A lot of the older generation would be homophobic, and I keep my mouth shut about my sexuality when they rant on about how they disagree with gay marriage or how being anything other than straight is 'wrong'. I wouldn't be out to a lot of the older people that I know at home. But with people my age being so open minded, I hope future generations won't have the same problem!

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

It's not just a phase! Being in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex does not mean you're straight, and being in a relationship with someone of the same sex does not mean you're gay. A lot of people seem to forget that. 
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We Exist: Rachael Kelleher

30/11/2017

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Tell us about you!

I'm a fat bisexual woman and an aspiring writer, who loves music and kittens and good food. I have an alarming appreciation for puns. 

When did you first know you were bi+?

I knew I was attracted to more than just men when I was quite young, though I didn't have the word for it at the time. I knew I was different to the people I lived with because it was more than just Leonardo Dicaprio that had this heart hammering when watching The Titanic.

It was Kate Winslet too.
Picture of Rachael Kelleher with black glasses and a smile
Rachael Kelleher
Picture of Jack and Rose from the Titanic
I had an overwhelming crush on her before I'd even hit puberty; just looking at her had me struggling to breathe. It made me squirm and look away, and then look again.

I couldn't stop looking.

I didn't learn the term for what I was experiencing until later, having picked it up through an overexposure to adult literature and fanfiction. I was 12 when I learned the term and 13 when I dared to mumble it in front of a girl from school that had knots forming inside me whenever I was alone with her.  

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I am as out as I can be without shouting it from the rooftops with a megaphone while planes streak the bi-pride tricolour through the air overhead.

I've been out online since I was a teenager, though it was to a few select people that I trusted.

I didn't come out to people offline until the summer of 2014. I was almost 22 at the time. That summer was when I came out to family, and it didn't go well in the least. I was told I couldn't be trusted to go on a vacation alone with the most wonderful female friend I could ever ask for - even though we all knew she was as straight as an arrow. I was no longer trustworthy, as though being attracted to women made me a danger suddenly, as though I couldn't control the urges I felt.

Understandably, I was more hurt than I can ever express...but I pushed past the pain of that moment. I refused to retreat into the closet. If anything, I became more prideful. I've come out to more and more people since then.

I don't think it ever stops.

But I still get to choose who has the right to know who I am because some don't deserve the right.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

I have never felt more accepted than when I discovered Bi+ Ireland existed.

Largely, I'd been isolated from other people like me. I felt like I was the one queer in the entire village. Online friends living in other countries were the one solace I had at the time.

I was suffocating from loneliness and isolation.

But that changed in 2016.

The shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando happened earlier that year, and that was what drove me out the door. It drove me to attend the Pride festival scheduled in Cork City, and it was the first time I'd ever been brave enough to do so because I was an introvert that often struggled with anxiety. I went to the Pride Picnic and came upon one of those info books that gets printed around that time.

There was an article from a member of Bi+ Ireland inside.

I almost ran home once I was finished at the picnic and I scrambled to turn the computer on. I found their facebook page as soon as possible and liked it immediately, and I was quick to inform the administrators that I wanted to join the secret group being advertised on their page.

That night I was invited to join an unofficial meet-up later that week. I couldn't breathe. I was shaking with nerves. It was the first time I ever dared to go to a bar where I wouldn't know a single person. The first thing I saw when someone from the group arrived was a man wearing a purple shirt and pulling a bi-pride flag from his backpack.

I almost cried in relief and euphoria.

I was home.
The shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando happened earlier that year, and that was what drove me out the door. It drove me to attend the Pride festival scheduled in Cork City


The moment I felt least accepted? That was during the marriage referendum in 2015. My best friend was on her erasmus in Germany, and I was visiting her family, because her home had become a refuge to me whenever mine was too toxic for me to cope with. I went to her house so I could breathe. I went to her house so I could feel loved and wanted.

I made the mistake of mentioning how excited I was for the impending referendum and my best friend's mother thought I meant the other one. I was quick to correct her.

The kitchen went dead silent as soon as the words escaped me. It was as though I'd been plunged into the heart of the Atlantic at the height of winter.

No one spoke afterwards.

I was being driven home within an hour of mentioning the referendum. Usually, my best friend's mother would drive me home after visiting, but she didn't drive me home that night. It was another visitor to the house that drove me home instead. While she was driving, she told me "it wasn't personal."

But it felt damned personal. It felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart with a shard of ice.

She went on to say, "We don't talk about the referendum in that house. It just starts arguments between the parents and kids."

Neither of us spoke after that. She dropped me outside my house. I had to hide the trembles in my hands as I opened the door and stepped inside. I didn't speak to anyone. I just went down to bed.

I broke down in tears.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

I just want people to ask: How can I help make it better?

I want people to want to help us. 
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We Exist: Alan Kenneally

19/9/2017

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Tell us about you!

Bisexual cis male

When did you first know you were bi+?

When I was about 11 or 12 and hormones kicked in. In a time before the internet it was a lonely time in small town Ireland. I remember sitting between my parents watching a romantic scene on TV. Awkward enough to be sitting between your folks at that age, never mind feeling attraction to both genders.

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I am now. Or more accurately, I was, then I wasn't and now I am again. It's much easier now that I am more accepting of myself. I didn't for a long time and that wounded me deeply.
Picture
Alan Kenneally

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

The most accepted was when I came out to my parents second time around and to my siblings shortly afterward. Their very Irish "So what?/Yeah, grand" was exactly what I needed when I needed it.

I felt least accepted at 18 in college. I called a LGB helpline and was ran out of credit. I was standing outside their office and the guy I had just spoken to opened the door, told me I wasn't gay enough and slammed the door in my face.

It still hurts sometimes. Last year on a visit to the Cork Gay Project I told Dave Roache about this and gave him all the info I had on this organisation. I still remember the shock on his face. By his own admission for what little comfort it offered, he told me this organisation no longer exists and then he gave me the contact info for bi+ Ireland. It's been onward and upward since.
...when I came out to my parents second time around and to my siblings shortly afterward. Their very Irish "So what?/Yeah, grand" was exactly what I needed when I needed it.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

I understand people's desire to be curious and to educate themselves and sometimes questions come across as more awkward than intended.
Sometimes I'd Just like someone to ask if I'm OK?
It gives me the chance to access some support if I need it. So I can share a good or a bad experience and improve my day.

Editor note: The above mentioned group is not the National LGBT Helpline, which is a group we have close ties with, but a smaller defunct regional group.
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Bi+ Ireland is a network of people who fit somewhere under the bi+ umbrella, and who have close ties to Ireland. We are community group run by volunteers. You can reach us at biirelandnetwork@gmail.com.
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