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We Exist: Sharon Nolan

8/8/2017

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Tell us about you!

Queer, femme and bi as fuck! I'm a passionate feminist and activist, and enjoy getting stuck into campaigns locally and nationally to try and help make our little country a better place. I also play games and work in my spare time.

When did you first know you were bi+?

During my teenage years I realised I was attracted to women, and without any knowledge or representation of bi+ people I assumed I was gay and panicked. The label 'gay' didn't feel right as an identity for me, and initially I couldn't put my finger on exactly why - but then I later realised I was still attracted to men, and in time I learnt that it was perfectly okay. It took some internal adjusting and acceptance that being attracted to people of different genders was okay, and then started coming out to people when I moved away for college.
Picture of Sharon Nolan
Sharon Nolan
I want to help build spaces and understanding for our bi+ community, where we're not erased or reduced to a joke. ​

I grew up in rural Ireland and as a teen I'd have loved to have a safe space to be myself and discuss my sexuality with peers, but I never had that. This experience immediately drew me to the advocacy side of our LGBT+ community when I did find them, so I threw myself into being involved in LGBT+ spaces in college. Sadly, these spaces were where I experienced some of the worst biphobia of my life... but it empowered me to try and stay involved and change these experiences for others. I want to help build spaces and understanding for our bi+ community, where we're not erased or reduced to a joke. This journey led me to becoming involved with Bi+ Ireland, which is honestly one of the best decisions of my life!

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I'm out everyone I believe (or as much as you can be in a hetronomative world I guess) but it definitely was a process that took years. With being bi and in a relationship, there's always a process of repeated coming out as so many people assume you're gay or straight depending on your partner's gender.

Some people took it better than others over the years, but I've come to accept that (mostly). I love nerding out on all things gender and sexuality which leads me to doing a lot of reading and research on the topics - but not everyone shares that passion and can be unsettled when people don't fit their black and white worldview.

I've a small tattoo on my wrist, a heart in the bi colours. The naysayers out there consider bisexuality to be a phase, and tattoos to be regretful - so what better way to give the middle finger to them all with a bi+ tattoo! It's a little reminder I carry everywhere to remind myself that nobody has the ability to erase my identity or who I am.
Nobody has the ability to erase my identity or who I am.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

Nothing should be about us without us.
Most accepted? During our Bi+ Ireland events. Be it a meetup with just a few people, marching in Pride, monthly meetings with the other coordinators, my heart sings when I'm with my fellow community members.

Least Accepted? During the marriage referendum. It was pretty harrowing to be so personally affected by an issue I was campaigning for, but also completely erased from the campaign. I was actively involved with leafleting and canvassing - but with the campaign style it lead to people assuming I was gay and that only gay people were affected by marriage equality. The bi and trans erasure during that campaign was extremely frustrating, nothing should be about us without us - and even challenging the erasure within our LGBT+ community was tough.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

The one thing I wished I was asked is from gay-centric spaces and "LGBT" organisations. It's "How could we do better to include bi+ people?" There is so much progress with the gay and trans movements that has me beaming with pride, but I'm tired of bi+ people being marginalised in the majority of LGBT+ spaces. We need to do better.
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We Exist: Jon Hanna

8/8/2017

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Tell us about you!

Bisexual, Irish, cis, white, male, pagan, witch, parent, kinky, pro-choice AF, occasional depressive, rape survivor, of a working-class Northern Irish upbringing.

When did you first know you were bi+?

I realised I was bisexual during puberty, finding myself attracted to boys and men around the same time in early adolescence I found myself attracted to girls and women (knowledge of other genders didn't come until later). I had some knowledge of issues around LGBT liberation before then, and did consider that maybe I was projecting those politics, but I soon realised that when I mooned over River Phoenix that talking about politics wasn’t top of my list of things I would like to do with him. (Though it was still up there; in hindsight my teenage romantic fantasies had a certain earnest quality).
Picture of Jon Hanna
Jon Hanna

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I came out toward the end of my time in grammar school, first to someone who I thought might be bisexual too (who came out to me pretty much simultaneously), and then to others I trusted. Soon I was quite assertively out there, even if still not out at home.

I took going to college as an opportunity to be fully out, and was active in the LGB (now LGBTQ+) society, leading it during the second year of my studies. Since then I’ve been pretty thoroughly out in just about every context and circumstance including at work, in professional organisations, to my kids, and so on. How I’m perceived is another matter though, and people will almost always assume you are monosexual. When I was younger I was sometimes read as gay, and now I’m almost always read as straight, either way an assumption that isn’t correct.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

Most of all when among other bi+ people. Bi+ Ireland itself would be a prime example, and the last three years at Pride when I’ve marched with them have had much more of a sense of belonging than the first Prides I went to in the 1990s. But there have been other times in my life when I’ve been in groups where several of us where out as bi+ and it was just part of the norm of that group.

Circles that might sometimes be considered “alternative” like the kink scene and the pagan community can often be among the most accepting groups, but they can also be among the least so, too; being deemed as outside of the mainstream can often encourage acceptance but also lead some to exclude those who are outside of that perceived mainstream in more ways than one.
Biphobia within the LGBTQ+ community can be all the more alienating
Least accepted in a rather blatant sense during physical attack, as I’ve had eggs thrown at me while doing LGBTQ+ work in college and had people try to beat me up more than once around the same time in my life.

Biphobia within the LGBTQ+ community can be all the more alienating though, as well as being more clearly biphobia when less accompanied with or parcel of homophobia from the majority community. The LGBTQ+ community is after all something we are meant to be part of, and a community so many of us have worked to serve, but still we find biphobia ranging from the subtle and plausibly deniable through to demanding outright that we should be silent so we don’t “complicate the message” during the fight for marital equality.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

Whether we feel we might have a different perspective on some of the assumptions cissexist-heterosexist society expects us to make, because just sometimes we can do; not to an extent that gives us any sort of get-out-conditioning-free card, but enough to make different contradictions stand out
But mostly I’d say that we are not only diverse but where we find ourselves rubbing up against expectation will make us hesitant to deny that diversity, and that is when we as a community are at our best. Whether or not I might match some stereotype isn’t the point. Maybe I do, but another bi+ sibling does not. Maybe I do not, but another bi+ sibling does. Do not ask me to deny them in order to define me.
Do not ask me to deny them in order to define me.
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We Exist: Jess Connor

2/8/2017

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Tell us about you

​Irish, cis woman, fat, supremely privileged, bi as fuck, pro choice, feminist. I've worked in tech as a Project Manager for 7+ years.

When did you first know you were bi+?

Picture of Jess Connor
Jess Connor
I've had bi+ experiences since I was very young. They never felt weird to me. I never stressed about it. Well, that's half true. I have two distinct memories of having anxious times, mainly I wanted to explore more with women, but I had no idea how to. 
As a 17 year old teenager I remember being online and talking with women, and desperately wanting to meet up with them, but being terrified at the prospect of meeting someone 'from the internet'. LGBT+ womxn just weren't around where I grew up, and so I felt trapped. This was the first time I ever felt like I was doing something taboo. There were no LGBT resources, and there wasn't a lot of representation in the media. I felt lost and alone. ​
"There were no LGBT resources, and there wasnt a lot of representation in the media."
When I was about 22, and in a long term relationship with a cis man, I began to wonder about being with womxn again. Because it was something I was still unsure of, I became incredibly focused on it. I spent a whole summer wondering if I was, in fact, gay.

Anyway, all of this is to say, one day my boyfriend at the time walked out of the shower naked and I grinned while checking out his behind. And I had this sudden realisation (or affirmation) that no, in fact, I was absolutely attracted to him and men in general. And to womxn and non binary folk. And that was just undeniably true. A fact. And it was ok. It was a huge relief, because I hadnt been able to bring myself to speak to anyone about my feelings that summer. I stayed happily in that relationship for many more years. And I found my voice and talked about it with my partner and friends about being bi+.​

Are you out as a bi+ person?


​Yes, but it took me until I was 29 to be 100% public about it even though I've been having bi+ experiences since I was very young and my partners and friends had known. When I look back at my life and experiences, I feel denied. ​
Denied a community, a language and experiences. I try not to be regretful, but so much of my anguish could have been avoided. That's why I volunteer as a coordinator with Bi+ Ireland. Visibility matters. It's also why I am labouring over this series, I think/hope it can make a difference.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

The most accepted? The Bi+ Ireland community. The group. The people who I march with us at pride, who might be total strangers, but who stand with me and all of us and declare that we are here and queer and we matter. We exist.

The least? I hated talking about or marching for equal marriage rights, and feeling like I was 'just an ally', and not someone who this directly impacted. So that was an internal struggle. It was part of what made me come out, and eventually find acceptance.​

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

​I wish people understood the complexity of being bi+. Because we are everywhere on the spectrum, we're not easy to put in neat little boxes. So I wish people would ask how they could help more. I'd tell them to accept us, no matter where we are in our bi-ness. Just to believe us, and accept us as valid without question.
"Ask us how you can help. Believe us."

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Bi+ Ireland is a network of people who fit somewhere under the bi+ umbrella, and who have close ties to Ireland. We are community group run by volunteers. You can reach us at biirelandnetwork@gmail.com.
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