I grew up in rural Ireland and as a teen I'd have loved to have a safe space to be myself and discuss my sexuality with peers, but I never had that. This experience immediately drew me to the advocacy side of our LGBT+ community when I did find them, so I threw myself into being involved in LGBT+ spaces in college. Sadly, these spaces were where I experienced some of the worst biphobia of my life... but it empowered me to try and stay involved and change these experiences for others. I want to help build spaces and understanding for our bi+ community, where we're not erased or reduced to a joke. This journey led me to becoming involved with Bi+ Ireland, which is honestly one of the best decisions of my life! Are you out as a bi+ person?
When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?
What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?The one thing I wished I was asked is from gay-centric spaces and "LGBT" organisations. It's "How could we do better to include bi+ people?" There is so much progress with the gay and trans movements that has me beaming with pride, but I'm tired of bi+ people being marginalised in the majority of LGBT+ spaces. We need to do better.
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Are you out as a bi+ person?I came out toward the end of my time in grammar school, first to someone who I thought might be bisexual too (who came out to me pretty much simultaneously), and then to others I trusted. Soon I was quite assertively out there, even if still not out at home. I took going to college as an opportunity to be fully out, and was active in the LGB (now LGBTQ+) society, leading it during the second year of my studies. Since then I’ve been pretty thoroughly out in just about every context and circumstance including at work, in professional organisations, to my kids, and so on. How I’m perceived is another matter though, and people will almost always assume you are monosexual. When I was younger I was sometimes read as gay, and now I’m almost always read as straight, either way an assumption that isn’t correct. When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?Most of all when among other bi+ people. Bi+ Ireland itself would be a prime example, and the last three years at Pride when I’ve marched with them have had much more of a sense of belonging than the first Prides I went to in the 1990s. But there have been other times in my life when I’ve been in groups where several of us where out as bi+ and it was just part of the norm of that group. Circles that might sometimes be considered “alternative” like the kink scene and the pagan community can often be among the most accepting groups, but they can also be among the least so, too; being deemed as outside of the mainstream can often encourage acceptance but also lead some to exclude those who are outside of that perceived mainstream in more ways than one.
What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?Whether we feel we might have a different perspective on some of the assumptions cissexist-heterosexist society expects us to make, because just sometimes we can do; not to an extent that gives us any sort of get-out-conditioning-free card, but enough to make different contradictions stand out
I've had bi+ experiences since I was very young. They never felt weird to me. I never stressed about it. Well, that's half true. I have two distinct memories of having anxious times, mainly I wanted to explore more with women, but I had no idea how to.
When I was about 22, and in a long term relationship with someone of the opposite sex, I began to wonder about being with women again. Because it was something I was still unsure of, I became incredibly focused on it. I spent a whole summer wondering if I was, in fact, gay. Anyway, all of this is to say, one day my boyfriend at the time walked out of the shower naked and I grinned while checking out his behind. And I had this sudden realisation (or affirmation) that no, in fact, I was absolutely attracted to him and men in general. And to women. And that was just undeniably true. A fact. And it was ok. It was a huge relief, because I hadnt been able to bring myself to speak to anyone about my feelings that summer. I stayed happily in that relationship for many more years. And I found my voice and talked about it with my partner and friends about being bi.
Denied a community, a language and experiences. I try not to be regretful, but so much of my anguish could have been avoided. That's why I volunteer as a coordinator with Bi+ Ireland. Visibility matters. It's also why I am labouring over this series, I think/hope it can make a difference.
What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?
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This organisation is run 100% by volunteer coordinators. We welcome donations and promise 100% transparency with our spending. Learn more here.
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Bi+ Ireland is a network of people who fit somewhere under the bi+ umbrella, and who have close ties to Ireland. We are community group run by volunteers. You can reach us at biirelandnetwork@gmail.com.
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