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We Exist: Anonymous

23/9/2018

2 Comments

 

Tell us about you!

When did you first know you were bi+?

I am a cisgender bisexual woman with a history of mental illness.
I have known I was bi for as long as I can remember, I thought that everyone was and that just nobody spoke about it! ​

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I am out to my college friends and have been out to all of my partners, essentially anyone who I would feel comfortable talking about my sex life with. I know that being bi+ is about so much more than sex but in a funny way it feels like when you come out people perceive it as being about just that. I think that has been a major barrier it terms of me coming out at work and to family. ​
Picture

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

I have felt super accepted by my friendship group. I was the first of my friends to come out as bi and quite a number of them ended up coming out as non-monosexual over the years. I like to think that my openness has played some small role and allowing them to think about their own sexuality in a way they may not have before. After I came out to my current partner and explained bisexuality he came to identify as bisexual himself! It has been really wonderful for me to have a bisexual partner who understands.

When I first became involved in the LGBT community I frequently felt overlooked. When the group was being addressed I found myself piping in with "and bisexuals" a lot.
​
I have found that in some female LBTQ spaces the narrative has been lesbian dominated and not inclusive of those who were attracted to genders other than female. 
"It has been really wonderful for me to have a bisexual partner who understands."

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

I wish I was asked more about the good side of being bisexual. There are many wonderful things. I love that I am never limited by anyone's gender. I feel so at home in the amazing new bisexual community that is emerging. I love how being attracted to more than one gender makes you really question and challenge gender roles and hetero-normative aspects of relationships and really work towards creating your own framework for what works for you and your partner(s).  
2 Comments

We Exist: Michelle Hoey

30/11/2017

0 Comments

 

Tell us about you!

Art student, coffee addict, agus i ngrá leis an Gaeilge. I'm just a kid from rural Donegal with big dreams and a personality to match!

When did you first know you were bi+?

My first crush was on a girl when I was very young, and I very quickly erased it from my head. At that age I had seen it as 'wrong', and since I was a girl, I was only allowed to like boys, right? Moving to secondary school, I was extremely lucky to be surrounded by friends who were so open with their sexuality at a young age, and they really unknowingly helped me discover who I was. It wasn't until the marriage referendum that I had admitted to myself that I was bisexual.

Are you out as a bi+ person?

Picture of Michelle Hoey with a smile and a red drink in a cup
Michelle Hoey
I'm out to the people I know are accepting of my bisexuality! When I moved to Galway for college I found it so easy to be who I was without ridicule. Since everyone was a stranger, I didn't have to have the whole coming out speech prepared, bisexuality was just a part of who I was!

Back at home wasn't difficult, and most of my close friends were already out as gay or bisexual. While it took me a good year to build up the courage to tell my mother, I'm so lucky that she's so open minded and had no problems at all about my sexuality. We even make lighthearted jokes about it!

​I'm so privileged to live in a generation that is so open minded about the LGBTQ+ community, and very lucky to have had few problems regarding my bisexuality.
...bisexuality was just a part of who I was!

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

I wouldn't be out to a lot of the older people that I know at home. But with people my age being so open minded, I hope future generations won't have the same problem!
The most accepted I've felt was definitely marching in the 2016 Galway Pride Parade. Back at home there are no groups or resources for the LGBTQ+ community, so to walk with hundreds of people who were just like me while singing along to Britney Spears together was definitely such a great moment for me. It's been the only time I've been completely comfortable with my sexuality.

The feel the least accepted back at home in Donegal. A lot of the older generation would be homophobic, and I keep my mouth shut about my sexuality when they rant on about how they disagree with gay marriage or how being anything other than straight is 'wrong'. I wouldn't be out to a lot of the older people that I know at home. But with people my age being so open minded, I hope future generations won't have the same problem!

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

It's not just a phase! Being in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex does not mean you're straight, and being in a relationship with someone of the same sex does not mean you're gay. A lot of people seem to forget that. 
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We Exist: Rachael Kelleher

30/11/2017

0 Comments

 

Tell us about you!

I'm a fat bisexual woman and an aspiring writer, who loves music and kittens and good food. I have an alarming appreciation for puns. 

When did you first know you were bi+?

I knew I was attracted to more than just men when I was quite young, though I didn't have the word for it at the time. I knew I was different to the people I lived with because it was more than just Leonardo Dicaprio that had this heart hammering when watching The Titanic.

It was Kate Winslet too.
Picture of Rachael Kelleher with black glasses and a smile
Rachael Kelleher
Picture of Jack and Rose from the Titanic
I had an overwhelming crush on her before I'd even hit puberty; just looking at her had me struggling to breathe. It made me squirm and look away, and then look again.

I couldn't stop looking.

I didn't learn the term for what I was experiencing until later, having picked it up through an overexposure to adult literature and fanfiction. I was 12 when I learned the term and 13 when I dared to mumble it in front of a girl from school that had knots forming inside me whenever I was alone with her.  

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I am as out as I can be without shouting it from the rooftops with a megaphone while planes streak the bi-pride tricolour through the air overhead.

I've been out online since I was a teenager, though it was to a few select people that I trusted.

I didn't come out to people offline until the summer of 2014. I was almost 22 at the time. That summer was when I came out to family, and it didn't go well in the least. I was told I couldn't be trusted to go on a vacation alone with the most wonderful female friend I could ever ask for - even though we all knew she was as straight as an arrow. I was no longer trustworthy, as though being attracted to women made me a danger suddenly, as though I couldn't control the urges I felt.

Understandably, I was more hurt than I can ever express...but I pushed past the pain of that moment. I refused to retreat into the closet. If anything, I became more prideful. I've come out to more and more people since then.

I don't think it ever stops.

But I still get to choose who has the right to know who I am because some don't deserve the right.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

I have never felt more accepted than when I discovered Bi+ Ireland existed.

Largely, I'd been isolated from other people like me. I felt like I was the one queer in the entire village. Online friends living in other countries were the one solace I had at the time.

I was suffocating from loneliness and isolation.

But that changed in 2016.

The shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando happened earlier that year, and that was what drove me out the door. It drove me to attend the Pride festival scheduled in Cork City, and it was the first time I'd ever been brave enough to do so because I was an introvert that often struggled with anxiety. I went to the Pride Picnic and came upon one of those info books that gets printed around that time.

There was an article from a member of Bi+ Ireland inside.

I almost ran home once I was finished at the picnic and I scrambled to turn the computer on. I found their facebook page as soon as possible and liked it immediately, and I was quick to inform the administrators that I wanted to join the secret group being advertised on their page.

That night I was invited to join an unofficial meet-up later that week. I couldn't breathe. I was shaking with nerves. It was the first time I ever dared to go to a bar where I wouldn't know a single person. The first thing I saw when someone from the group arrived was a man wearing a purple shirt and pulling a bi-pride flag from his backpack.

I almost cried in relief and euphoria.

I was home.
The shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando happened earlier that year, and that was what drove me out the door. It drove me to attend the Pride festival scheduled in Cork City


The moment I felt least accepted? That was during the marriage referendum in 2015. My best friend was on her erasmus in Germany, and I was visiting her family, because her home had become a refuge to me whenever mine was too toxic for me to cope with. I went to her house so I could breathe. I went to her house so I could feel loved and wanted.

I made the mistake of mentioning how excited I was for the impending referendum and my best friend's mother thought I meant the other one. I was quick to correct her.

The kitchen went dead silent as soon as the words escaped me. It was as though I'd been plunged into the heart of the Atlantic at the height of winter.

No one spoke afterwards.

I was being driven home within an hour of mentioning the referendum. Usually, my best friend's mother would drive me home after visiting, but she didn't drive me home that night. It was another visitor to the house that drove me home instead. While she was driving, she told me "it wasn't personal."

But it felt damned personal. It felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart with a shard of ice.

She went on to say, "We don't talk about the referendum in that house. It just starts arguments between the parents and kids."

Neither of us spoke after that. She dropped me outside my house. I had to hide the trembles in my hands as I opened the door and stepped inside. I didn't speak to anyone. I just went down to bed.

I broke down in tears.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

I just want people to ask: How can I help make it better?

I want people to want to help us. 
0 Comments

We Exist: Terri Louise Ó Leathlobhair

23/10/2017

0 Comments

 

Tell us about you!

For someone with BPD identity is not an easy thing to figure out. I'm Bisexual. Pro Choice. Equalist. Unwilling Loner. Chronic Spoonie. Untapped Potential.
Picture of Terri Louise Ó Leathlobhair
Terri Louise Ó Leathlobhair

When did you first know you were bi+?

I knew I was bi before I knew what bi was. My first childhood crush was on a neighbourhood girl. It wasn't until secondary school that I heard someone identify as bisexual. I knew then what I was and that I didn't seem to be alone. Except bisexuality wasn't as advertised. The people that had brought me my awakening had also brought me my shame by telling me that bi didn't mean you actually liked boys and girls it meant you were gay but just not ready to say it. I knew that wasn't me so back to square one I went.

Are you out as a bi+ person?

For all intents and purposes I am out. Outwardly very proudly but with a lot of internal shame. Both my public and private coming out experiences where traumatic and not initiated by me and it has hindered how I express myself within my own family. I am trying to mention it a little more, let everybody know its not a phase. Positive responses so far.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

I'll do both in the same story.
Years ago after a terrible public outing. A gay 'friend' had decided he was going to take matters into his own hands by 'helping me really come out' he told everyone that would listen, even people I didn't know that I was a lesbian. I was already being bullied at the time. I tried to stand up for myself. I tried to combat the rumours with the truth. Turns out 'she's bisexual' wasn't as snappy a line as 'she's gay'. The bullying to my horror tried to spread to my younger sister by text but as usual she was having none of anyones bullshit. She got a text saying 'Your sisters diseased' to which she replied 'no she's not, she's bisexual' to this day she doesn't know just how validated that made me feel.
...to this day she doesn't know just how validated that made me feel.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

How does it feel? How does it feel to be erased under the guise of priviledge? How does society impact you as a bisexual woman? What can we do to make it easier?

Submit your story to We Exist
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We Exist: Alan Kenneally

19/9/2017

0 Comments

 

Tell us about you!

Bisexual cis male

When did you first know you were bi+?

When I was about 11 or 12 and hormones kicked in. In a time before the internet it was a lonely time in small town Ireland. I remember sitting between my parents watching a romantic scene on TV. Awkward enough to be sitting between your folks at that age, never mind feeling attraction to both genders.

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I am now. Or more accurately, I was, then I wasn't and now I am again. It's much easier now that I am more accepting of myself. I didn't for a long time and that wounded me deeply.
Picture
Alan Kenneally

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

The most accepted was when I came out to my parents second time around and to my siblings shortly afterward. Their very Irish "So what?/Yeah, grand" was exactly what I needed when I needed it.

I felt least accepted at 18 in college. I called a LGB helpline and was ran out of credit. I was standing outside their office and the guy I had just spoken to opened the door, told me I wasn't gay enough and slammed the door in my face.

It still hurts sometimes. Last year on a visit to the Cork Gay Project I told Dave Roache about this and gave him all the info I had on this organisation. I still remember the shock on his face. By his own admission for what little comfort it offered, he told me this organisation no longer exists and then he gave me the contact info for bi+ Ireland. It's been onward and upward since.
...when I came out to my parents second time around and to my siblings shortly afterward. Their very Irish "So what?/Yeah, grand" was exactly what I needed when I needed it.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

I understand people's desire to be curious and to educate themselves and sometimes questions come across as more awkward than intended.
Sometimes I'd Just like someone to ask if I'm OK?
It gives me the chance to access some support if I need it. So I can share a good or a bad experience and improve my day.

Editor note: The above mentioned group is not the National LGBT Helpline, which is a group we have close ties with, but a smaller defunct regional group.
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We Exist: Lisa Reynolds

12/9/2017

0 Comments

 

Tell us about you!

My name is Lisa Reynolds and I am a 27-year-old pansexual woman from Ireland who lives in Wicklow and am originally from Meath. I am a writer and my interests include reading, writing, listening to music, all things culture-related and equality.

When did you first know you were bi+?

For most of my life I thought I was straight as I had only been attracted to guys for a long time. I hadn't heard about what non-binary meant for a long time and then I was attracted to people who were non-binary. 
Picture
Lisa Reynolds
That wasn't a surprise as I hadn't known or known of anyone who was non-binary so it was possible that I could be attracted to non-binary people. It was more surprising when I was attracted to women. When I looked back around 22/23 there had been two other women I had been attracted to but when I was 25 I had very strong feelings for a woman and gradually I realised that I could be attracted to women and though it was a confusing time it was a lovely surprise. I realised I was pansexual in October 2015. I was 25 and at the time I thought I was too old to be figuring it out but in hindsight I know I wasn't. You never are too old to find out something so important to your identity. And stories are different. Some people might have ideas they are or might be when they are younger and some people might not. But there is no more valid way to be your sexuality whatever your sexuality is. ​
You never are too old to find out something so important to your identity.

Are you out as a bi+ person?

It's a slightly complicated answer. I'm out mostly. I told my sister in a very casual chat the day I realised. She had been with me all through my journey to figuring it out talking to me and stuff, making sure I was ok. So she was cool with me been pansexual and I was cool with her been straight and that was that. I write a lot about pansexuality in varying ways so I'm out to almost everyone. But my mum doesn't know. It would be easier to tell her if I was gay or bisexual but because pansexual isn't really known much about I think she'd think I was "part of a cult". My mum isn't very good with "new" or "unfamiliar" things. In consequence I'm not out to any extended family.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

As an introverted writer, I would say I escape quite a lot of positive or negative reactions. However in the media or on the internet you see some wonderful positive reactions and stories of people who are pansexual and that makes me feel very happy and warm inside. I feel less alone. On the other hand there is many negative reactions in the media and on the internet and it can be quite hurtful. There's so many misconceptions about pansexuality and sometimes it can seem like we aren't thought that we even exist. It can feel like there's many steps on the ladder to go.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

I wish they'd stop with this "having your cake and eat it" stuff. It's so daft. 
I just wish they would ask the same questions that they would ask anyone else of any sexuality. I wish it was just casual chats, not something that needs to be explained all the time. I wish they'd stop with this "having your cake and eat it" stuff. It's so daft. I wish they wouldn't think I must be more into a particular gender just because I'm talking about someone I'm attracted to of a particular gender. It doesn't work like that. I wish they'd stop putting me into invisible boxes that don't exist. Most of all I wish they could be happy for me without judgments and be ok with my sexuality but also interested in whether I'm a nice person and my interests and what I'm doing too. In other words I'm very happy and content been pansexual but I'd like to be thought of as pansexual as well as the other things in my life and not have my sexuality as defining me. ​
Find more from Lisa at:  culturevultureexpress.wordpress.com
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We Exist: Aoife FitzGibbon O'Riordan

22/8/2017

1 Comment

 

Tell us about you!

Very bi, very queer. Passionate about creating a world where we can live our lives authentically- so I'm also very pro-choice. After we fix the world, I'm gonna cook a lot of veggie food and roller skate all day. ​

When did you first know you were bi+?

That's a tough one. I remember the first time I heard the word- it was in an article in Newsweek back in the '90s.
Picture of Aoife FitzGibbon O'Riordan
Aoife FitzGibbon O'Riordan
I remember being fascinated by the concept. But I also remember clearly getting the impression from it that bisexuality was something incredibly rare. I don't remember if my 12 year old self had any inkling that I might not be straight. I do remember thinking that if it was that rare, I had nothing to worry about.

The next thing I remember was a couple of years later. I can't recall the context, but I have this memory of me, awake through the night terrified that I might be gay. I guess I must have been about fourteen or fifteen? But I shoved that feeling right back down - I knew I had crushes on guys, and bisexuality was really rare, wasn't it? So it must not be me. Being anything other than straight felt impossibly scary to me.

Then I hit 16 and so many things changed in such a short time. I discovered Placebo and oh-MY. Here I was, having a massive crush on someone who was so openly bi and all of a sudden that was a real thing that real people could be. And then, well, my super-shy self started getting dragged out to go be social with other humans by my friends and I caught a crush on a girl that I couldn't deny or brush under the rug as just wanting to be really good friends. You don't lose the ability to form sentences around someone 'cause you like hanging out with them, you know? Suddenly I had words for how I was feeling. And it was amazing. ​​
You don't lose the ability to form sentences around someone 'cause you like hanging out with them, you know? Suddenly I had words for how I was feeling. And it was amazing. ​​

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I sure am!
​
It's weird, though. I'm not sure how it's possible to be more out than I am - especially after I said "I'm Aoife, and I'm bisexual" in front of how many thousands of people at Dublin Pride? But when I'm in lesbian spaces, people still assume I'm gay all the time. And I still don't correct them most of the time, because I feel a lot like that means I have to be a perfect bi person and sometimes I just want to drink a lot of gin and dance badly (like really badly) and not have to defend myself, you know?

I feel badly about that. I put myself under a lot of pressure to be out. I feel so lucky - my family and friends love me just as I am. I work in a company I cofounded where most of my coworkers are queer women. I have a ton of privileges that so many other bi+ people lack. If I can't be out everywhere, then who can be?!

I often wish that there was a way that I could simply be out, without having to repeat it all the time. I feel like there are ways that people can signal to the world that they're gay, that are pretty much understood. They aren't ideal for everyone, but they exist. But there isn't really a way that you can be that leads to people assuming that you're bi+. You have to say it over and over again, and you have to defend it constantly. You don't get to just come out and be done with it. That's exhausting. 

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

The most accepted? This year! There have so many moments when I felt so accepted and loved, bisexuality and all. Hilarious late nights in a gazebo out the countryside with the other Bi+ Ireland volunteers, bonding over bottles of wine, dodgy card games and our bi+ stories. Hearing the crowd cheering to proud bi+ performers at our Bi-lesque night and feeling that sense of joy and community and fun. All the times I've been approached by Bi+ Ireland members- and all the wonderful and poignant stories I've heard from them. Standing in front of thousands of people at Dublin Pride. Swallowing my fear and saying at the top of my voice that I'm bisexual and being almost bowled over by the power of the cheer and applause in return.

This year I think I've felt more loved in my bisexuality than I ever have, and honestly it's turning me into a right sap! I'm talking about how much I love the community around me almost every day. And I wouldn't change that for the world.
Swallowing my fear and saying at the top of my voice that I'm bisexual and being almost bowled over by the power of the cheer and applause in return
As for feeling least accepted?
I hated the pressure during the marriage referendum campaign for bi+ people to keep relatively quiet about our orientations. That time was incredibly difficult for all LGBTQ+ people, of course. But every time I saw the phrase "equal marriage for gay and lesbian people", or heard about how this was going to be so important for gay and lesbian people, my stomach lurched. Because it felt like, just as much as the No side was against me, even the Yes side wanted to shove people like me under the carpet. Like many people, I worked hard during the campaign - knocking on doors, talking to everyone I could, writing articles, even sending handwritten notes to everyone in our apartment complex to ask them to vote for our rights. It hurt a lot to know that the campaign that meant so much to me wouldn't even admit that it was fighting for equal marriage for bi people as well. It felt like we were too shameful to put on a poster.

That still hurts, if I'm honest. 

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

I wish they'd ask what it is actually like being bi+ in the world, and that they'd listen without preconceptions.

We get asked the same questions all the time, you know? Normally trying to put us into a "really" gay or "really" straight category. And then we get told the same things- either that we're really one or the other, or that we're privileged 'cause we can be in both gay and straight spaces.

I wish people would ask what it's like to have to spend your life being assumed to be something you're not, no matter where you go. I wish they'd listen to how it feels less like a privilege, than being continually shoved into one closet or another, over and over again. How stifling it feels to have different aspects of your self dismissed, and how the small bi+ spaces that we create feel like breathing fresh air for the very first time, every time.

How stifling it feels to have different aspects of your self dismissed, and how the small bi+ spaces that we create feel like breathing fresh air for the very first time, every time.
I wish they'd ask what it's like to always have to worry about coming out to the person who you fancy and who fancies you back. To have to handle insecurities and misconceptions about your orientation from your partner. To have the person you love see your sexuality- the very thing that drew you to them in the first place- as an obstacle to get over and not something important and good about you. ​
1 Comment

We Exist: Cíara Doyle

22/8/2017

0 Comments

 

Tell us about you!

It is so hard to determine how I identify - like most people there is so much that is integral to my being. I am bisexual, polyamorous and utterly confused by my gender although I was born female. I am proud to be Irish in particular a Northside Dub. I am a geek and nerd. I am depressed and generally a very anxious introvert. I see myself as a gender equalist who is very interested in ensuring thought and consideration is given to everyone. ​
Image of Cíara Doyle
Cíara Doyle

When did you first know you were bi+?

From a very young age (maybe 4) I was interested in both girls and boys. Soon I became confused though. I knew it was okay to like girls. I knew it was okay to like boys. But I was the freak that liked both. So I kept it to myself. As I reached my pre teen years I quickly realised that not everyone was okay with people being gay. Soon I became even more frightened of the idea of telling people that I liked girls but still I found myself attracted time and time again to people in my class (a good catholic all girl school). It was only in my discovery of emo music did I first come across the term bisexuality. And suddenly, just like wearing my glasses for the first time, I could see clearly, I knew what was going on and I finally felt comfortable in my sexual preferences.
And suddenly, just like wearing my glasses for the first time, I could see clearly, I knew what was going on and I finally felt comfortable in my sexual preferences.

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I would love to say I am fully out as bi but I don’t think it is that simple. Nearly everyday people see me with my cis male partner and my baby girl and assume I am heterosexual. All too often I make a comment of a female celebrity crush and I am met with confused looks, that’s when I find myself coming out once again. Although at least now I am confident in my sexuality and confident that I can take on any challenge in my stride. Though to be honest since I first came out at 15 I have generally speaking not been afraid to say who I was. Despite being locked in bathrooms, being spat upon and losing my first beautiful girlfriend to biphobia I always tended to stand up for my sexuality and fought for respect of those who meant to put me down. That was of course for everyone bar my family, it wasn’t until MarRef that I found the confidence to come out to my family while ranting about the need for people to vote yes.
 I always tended to stand up for my sexuality and fought for respect off those who meant to put me down.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

In fear of sounding cheesy I have never felt so accepted as when I became a coordinator of Bi+ Ireland. Amongst our amazing online community I have found my people. I have found those who understand the frustration of hearing the phrase “Oh she is gay again” and I have found wonderful people who are just so beautifully kind and considerate. On top of our outstanding group I realised something else on becoming a coordinator of Bi+ Ireland: a level of respect I didn’t know my sexuality had amongst my family. A cousin in particular is very fond of directing any bi+ friends in our direction proudly stating my small involvement in the group.
As the weeks of campaigning escalated and the ferocity of the debate heated up I found myself crying alone on more occasions than I wish to think about. 
In contrast the MarRef lead to a lot of moments that had me feeling anything but accepted. Like many people I advocated a Yes vote any opportunity I got. I was involved with several Yes Vote campaigns and community groups. As the weeks of campaigning escalated and the ferocity of the debate heated up I found myself crying alone on more occasions than I wish to think about. From personal attacks to more generalised social media frenzies the cruelty of the campaign hit me time and time again. However amongst all this the moment that stands out for me the most is while I was at a community yes vote planning session. In this tiny room of allies I was the only LGBT member in the group. But all too often I was reminded by these allies that I was not actually “LGBT”. One day in particular we were recording videos on why we wanted people to vote yes to post as part of our social media campaign. 

​In contrast the MarRef lead to a lot of moments that had me feeling anything but accepted. 
My video naturally spoke of love and how I felt that as a bisexual, society was invalidating part of my sexuality by saying yes I can marry a future boyfriend but no I couldn't marry a future girlfriend. Now this video was much more adequately worded at the time but however my video was the only one that didn’t make the social media cut as “It was rude to suggest that bisexuals have a say in this vote because honestly it is nothing to do with them if gay people get to marry or not. And honestly Cíara you have to stop this attention seeking, even if you are really bi this isn’t about you lot.” Needless to say I ended up posting a series of videos to my own social media, none of which got shared by the group as they were "diluting and confusing the issue". However JK Rowling did retweet one which made me so giddy that for a brief moment I didn't care about the negativity.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

Simple: 'How can I help?'
Whether that is an lgbt organisation asking how can they help integrate Bi+ into the space. Or someone asking how they can help fight biphobia or bi erasure. Like everyone in the world us bi+ peeps need help and I wish people would just ask how they can help!

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We Exist: Sharon Nolan

8/8/2017

0 Comments

 

Tell us about you!

Queer, femme and bi as fuck! I'm a passionate feminist and activist, and enjoy getting stuck into campaigns locally and nationally to try and help make our little country a better place. I also play games and work in my spare time.

When did you first know you were bi+?

During my teenage years I realised I was attracted to women, and without any knowledge or representation of bi+ people I assumed I was gay and panicked. The label 'gay' didn't feel right as an identity for me, and initially I couldn't put my finger on exactly why - but then I later realised I was still attracted to men, and in time I learnt that it was perfectly okay. It took some internal adjusting and acceptance that being attracted to people of different genders was okay, and then started coming out to people when I moved away for college.
Picture of Sharon Nolan
Sharon Nolan
I want to help build spaces and understanding for our bi+ community, where we're not erased or reduced to a joke. ​

I grew up in rural Ireland and as a teen I'd have loved to have a safe space to be myself and discuss my sexuality with peers, but I never had that. This experience immediately drew me to the advocacy side of our LGBT+ community when I did find them, so I threw myself into being involved in LGBT+ spaces in college. Sadly, these spaces were where I experienced some of the worst biphobia of my life... but it empowered me to try and stay involved and change these experiences for others. I want to help build spaces and understanding for our bi+ community, where we're not erased or reduced to a joke. This journey led me to becoming involved with Bi+ Ireland, which is honestly one of the best decisions of my life!

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I'm out everyone I believe (or as much as you can be in a hetronomative world I guess) but it definitely was a process that took years. With being bi and in a relationship, there's always a process of repeated coming out as so many people assume you're gay or straight depending on your partner's gender.

Some people took it better than others over the years, but I've come to accept that (mostly). I love nerding out on all things gender and sexuality which leads me to doing a lot of reading and research on the topics - but not everyone shares that passion and can be unsettled when people don't fit their black and white worldview.

I've a small tattoo on my wrist, a heart in the bi colours. The naysayers out there consider bisexuality to be a phase, and tattoos to be regretful - so what better way to give the middle finger to them all with a bi+ tattoo! It's a little reminder I carry everywhere to remind myself that nobody has the ability to erase my identity or who I am.
Nobody has the ability to erase my identity or who I am.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

Nothing should be about us without us.
Most accepted? During our Bi+ Ireland events. Be it a meetup with just a few people, marching in Pride, monthly meetings with the other coordinators, my heart sings when I'm with my fellow community members.

Least Accepted? During the marriage referendum. It was pretty harrowing to be so personally affected by an issue I was campaigning for, but also completely erased from the campaign. I was actively involved with leafleting and canvassing - but with the campaign style it lead to people assuming I was gay and that only gay people were affected by marriage equality. The bi and trans erasure during that campaign was extremely frustrating, nothing should be about us without us - and even challenging the erasure within our LGBT+ community was tough.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

The one thing I wished I was asked is from gay-centric spaces and "LGBT" organisations. It's "How could we do better to include bi+ people?" There is so much progress with the gay and trans movements that has me beaming with pride, but I'm tired of bi+ people being marginalised in the majority of LGBT+ spaces. We need to do better.
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We Exist: Jon Hanna

8/8/2017

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Tell us about you!

Bisexual, Irish, cis, white, male, pagan, witch, parent, kinky, pro-choice AF, occasional depressive, rape survivor, of a working-class Northern Irish upbringing.

When did you first know you were bi+?

I realised I was bisexual during puberty, finding myself attracted to boys and men around the same time in early adolescence I found myself attracted to girls and women (knowledge of other genders didn't come until later). I had some knowledge of issues around LGBT liberation before then, and did consider that maybe I was projecting those politics, but I soon realised that when I mooned over River Phoenix that talking about politics wasn’t top of my list of things I would like to do with him. (Though it was still up there; in hindsight my teenage romantic fantasies had a certain earnest quality).
Picture of Jon Hanna
Jon Hanna

Are you out as a bi+ person?

I came out toward the end of my time in grammar school, first to someone who I thought might be bisexual too (who came out to me pretty much simultaneously), and then to others I trusted. Soon I was quite assertively out there, even if still not out at home.

I took going to college as an opportunity to be fully out, and was active in the LGB (now LGBTQ+) society, leading it during the second year of my studies. Since then I’ve been pretty thoroughly out in just about every context and circumstance including at work, in professional organisations, to my kids, and so on. How I’m perceived is another matter though, and people will almost always assume you are monosexual. When I was younger I was sometimes read as gay, and now I’m almost always read as straight, either way an assumption that isn’t correct.

When have you felt the most accepted as a bi+ person? The least accepted?

Most of all when among other bi+ people. Bi+ Ireland itself would be a prime example, and the last three years at Pride when I’ve marched with them have had much more of a sense of belonging than the first Prides I went to in the 1990s. But there have been other times in my life when I’ve been in groups where several of us where out as bi+ and it was just part of the norm of that group.

Circles that might sometimes be considered “alternative” like the kink scene and the pagan community can often be among the most accepting groups, but they can also be among the least so, too; being deemed as outside of the mainstream can often encourage acceptance but also lead some to exclude those who are outside of that perceived mainstream in more ways than one.
Biphobia within the LGBTQ+ community can be all the more alienating
Least accepted in a rather blatant sense during physical attack, as I’ve had eggs thrown at me while doing LGBTQ+ work in college and had people try to beat me up more than once around the same time in my life.

Biphobia within the LGBTQ+ community can be all the more alienating though, as well as being more clearly biphobia when less accompanied with or parcel of homophobia from the majority community. The LGBTQ+ community is after all something we are meant to be part of, and a community so many of us have worked to serve, but still we find biphobia ranging from the subtle and plausibly deniable through to demanding outright that we should be silent so we don’t “complicate the message” during the fight for marital equality.

What is something no one asks you about being bi+ that you wish they would, and what would you want to tell them?

Whether we feel we might have a different perspective on some of the assumptions cissexist-heterosexist society expects us to make, because just sometimes we can do; not to an extent that gives us any sort of get-out-conditioning-free card, but enough to make different contradictions stand out
But mostly I’d say that we are not only diverse but where we find ourselves rubbing up against expectation will make us hesitant to deny that diversity, and that is when we as a community are at our best. Whether or not I might match some stereotype isn’t the point. Maybe I do, but another bi+ sibling does not. Maybe I do not, but another bi+ sibling does. Do not ask me to deny them in order to define me.
Do not ask me to deny them in order to define me.
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Bi+ Ireland is a network of people who fit somewhere under the bi+ umbrella, and who have close ties to Ireland. We are community group run by volunteers. You can reach us at biirelandnetwork@gmail.com.
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